Best Daycare Stories of the Week

I haven’t written a thing in two weeks due to my most recent Illness of the Month installment. Working daycare for the first year comes with an automatic membership and this one was a whopper. This one was a cold from hell that turned into a sinus infection, turning me into a whiny, pathetic weakling. I’m still in recovery mode, but am back up for writing, and wanted to write about the daycare.

The best daycare stories this week were all “in jokes”.

To understand the first story, you have to know what a mommy huddle is. Co-worker Nicole taught us the mommy huddle. It is something that she developed with her foster daughter, who has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as a result of her severe abuse. RAD children have a whole series of symptoms that arise from not attaching correctly to their caretaker and/or from having trust broken. The idea is that children need to re-attach, and that you have to go back to infancy to do this. One of the ways of doing this is creating clear boundaries and making them stick. Sometimes all that is needed is a verbal redirect, but sometimes the kid has a major melt down, and that is where the mommy huddle comes in.

The mommy huddle is holding the child in such a way that they are immobilized with the gentlest hold possible. As the child pulls, we hold tighter, as they relax, we release the same amount. Sometimes we wrap them in a blanket if they need the extra support and/or if we need it to keep from getting bit or pinched. We let them know that we will let them up when they are ready, and when they say they are ready, we have them look at us and answer the question “who is the boss?” If they go back into melt down or won’t look us in the eye, we put them back into mommy huddle. Once they tell us that we are the boss we are done for that round and will do whatever the child needs—extra cuddling, reading a book to them, getting them a drink of water.

Dora, the just turned three-year-old who Jen is becoming a foster parent for, is one of the children that needs and receives the mommy huddle. She has made progress and currently ends up in fewer mommy huddles. It’s true that this is partly because we have become better at working with all the tools available, but there has been growth on her side too.

Thursday afternoon, Nicole, Jen and I were all trying to figure out scheduling for the next week. Nicole and Jen were in the office just off the kitchen while I was in the kitchen watching the kids and adding in my two cents from there. Suddenly I noticed that the floor wrestling that Dora and Carla (a much smaller, scrappy two-year old) were doing was starting to resemble a mommy huddle. As I watched, Dora sat Carla in her lap facing out, wrapped her arms around her and then crossed her leg over Carla’s. Since they both looked like they were having fun, I dashed into the office to call the others quickly out.

“Dora is putting Carla in a mommy huddle! Come see!” They caught the tail end just as Carla wiggled out the bottom and turned to face Dora, smiling. Jen laughed and said, “Carla, you just have to tell her that she’s the boss and then she’ll let you up.” Whereupon Carla yelled to Dora, “You’re the boss!” Dora’s face lit up and she glanced up at Jen, victory in her eyes. It lasted about two seconds before doubt crept in and she turned back to Carla and yelled, “No, you’re the boss!” We all had a good laugh at that.

For the next two stories you have to meet George. George just turned four and is working very hard on using his words instead of hitting. He is a mercurial, sensitive fellow and can go from happy to angry, hurt or frustrated in the blink of an eye. He lets you know it by crossing his arms, humping his shoulders, throwing out his bottom lip and saying “I’m mad at you, (your name here)”. Sometimes he doesn’t say anything, he just crosses his arms and “humphs” at you, pouting. He probably does this about ten times an hour, which is much better than the hitting ten times an hour that he had been doing.

Sammy, one of our precocious three-year-olds, is a very busy guy. He loves to be on the move, running through the garden, swinging on the ropes, finding good sticks to smack inanimate objects (and the occasional kid) with. He has an impish grin and a good-natured love of life that he tries to share with everyone, sometimes to excess; most of the time when he hurts another it is out of this exuberant joy of life and is completely unintentional.

I was talking to his mom one afternoon this week as she was picking him up when she had to redirect him. He crossed his arms, stuck out his bottom lip and “humphed” before running off to the toyroom. I laughed and said, “He got that from George!” She said she had wondered where he had picked that one up.

The final story involves Cathy, a chubby waif who is almost two and has claimed me as her own. Every morning when I arrive, her face lights up in a huge grin, she yells my name and comes toddling over to greet me, not an easy task since there are anywhere between two and four dogs also competing for my immediate attention when I arrive. Everyone knows that she will ask for me when injured or sad, and if I have to leave while she is there, she has to be held and consoled when I go.

She is also your typical two-year old (she’s an early starter) in that her favorite word is “no”. Her answer to almost everything is “no!” Sometimes it is just the usual two-year-old automatic response. Sometimes she can pack a lot of sassiness into the one word and we have to borrow from the RAD teachings and ask her who’s the boss.

I have taken to making sure I explain to her what I am doing next and being clear to help her with transitions. For example, if I am going to go back inside for something, and she is still playing with her eye on me, I will tell her that I am going in and that I will be right back. Or when I am holding her I will tell her that I am going to put her down so I can do the dishes, say, and she can play with the blocks while I do that. If I don’t do this she usually cries and I have found this to be a simple solution.

Thursday morning I had been picking Cathy up on and off while also playing with the other kids and sneaking in some house work. After picking her up and holding her yet another time, I told her that I was going to put her down and finish mopping the kitchen floor. “No” she told me.

“Cathy, I have to finish the floors so I am going to put you down,” I said again. “NO!” she said, at her sassiest. I told her yes and I put her down. Instead of dissolving into loud crying, she crossed her arms, pushed out her bottom lip and said something to me that wasn’t quite clear at first since her words are still a bit blurry around the edges. After a couple of seconds it dawned on me that she had actually said, “I’m mad at you, Nikki!” I slapped a hand over my face to muffle the bark of laughter that burst out of me. She did not just say that! I thought to myself and then just had to share the story with Jen so we could both have a good laugh.

And so ends yet another week at Jen’s Zen Bootcamp…..

InPeace, Nikki

Overview Update

It was a slow day at the daycare today. We had time to leisurely clean, do laundry, read to the kids, clean up the office, chat about life, cuddle the toddlers, make phone calls, and so on. It was cold and sunny in the morning, warm and sunny in the afternoon. The garden is slowly starting to fade and shift, just as the sun is noticeably setting earlier (the shadows are longer now in the afternoons, and they start sooner). It was a good day for reflection.

So, what have I been up to?

Daycare: Most of you know that I have decided to work full time at the daycare, at least for the time being. Jen and I are writing a book about the daycare, although we do a lot more doing and a lot less writing than we ever hope for. Still, it is slowly taking shape. Daycare doesn’t pay much, so I can’t afford to move out on my own. Instead, I am paying my mom and step dad room and board. It is a win-win situation since I get cheap rent and a comfortable home, and they get to pay a little extra on their mortgage each month. It won’t work once Brad moves out, but for now it is a most agreeable situation.

I have continued to work on organizing Jen’s business. The office is looking pretty good, as are the electronic records. We also launched a daycare newsletter this summer—The Zen Boot Camp Newsletter. Why “Zen Boot Camp”? Well, I have been reading The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron, and she talks about Buddhism being a lot about practicing the four limitless qualities of loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. I thought about how much MORE we get to practice all of these things at the daycare and much this work is like a crash course in Buddhism in action… Zen Boot Camp just seemed to fit. (Anyone interested in a PDF copy of one of the newsletters, just send me an email.)

There will be much more about the daycare on this blog, so stay-tuned.

Rogue Theatre: I left the Blue Room Theatre in June and since have been working with a newly forming community theatre group, the Rogue Theatre. Of course, they are brand new so all this work is for free. I am helping them to create a non-profit. I bought a How To book for doing this in California and have been helping them through the steps. We now have filed our fictitious name with the county, filed Articles of Incorporation with the state and are currently working on our bylaws and a budget which are both items needed for the next step of filing for nonprofit status with the IRS and the state of California.

That is the boring nuts and bolts stuff. The exciting news is that we have finally opened our first play. We are doing Pillowman. It is a dark comedy-drama that is disturbing and though provoking. I saw it opening night and it was excellent. Friday we had a reviewer tell us that it was the best play she had seen in Chico in years, so it is all looking pretty good for us. We have no home right now. Currently we are working with owners of different venues to put on different plays. This first one is in an art gallery in between their shows. (Check out the website: http://www.chicorogue.com ).

UUFC: When I moved here, one of the first things that I did was to join the Unitarian church. The one here is called Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Chico, but UUFC is easier. It is small with only about 55 members and about that many again friends. It has been here since the 1960’s and had numbers go up and down, like most UU churches. Right now we have no minister. We are looking for a part-time minister, but there is a shortage right now and a part-time position in a small town just isn’t that appealing. Still, we are hopeful. (Website: http://www.saber.net/~chicouu/index.html )

When I got here, they were looking for someone to take over the newsletter this year. I kept my mouth shut, thinking that surely someone less new would come forward. Yeah, right. So, now I am the newsletter editor of The Messenger which comes out monthly. The biggest trouble, as with all newsletters, is tracking down contributors. Other than that, it is not that difficult a task.

I am also on the Sunday programs committee and have volunteered to help out here and there with our Sunshine committee and hospitality. And this week I am joining the choir. I was invited to join this Sunday at coffee hour and I decided that I would because I bet this will be a meeting that will be refreshing, and I could certainly use some of that!

Odds & Ends: I did a lot of house sitting this summer, which was a good way to bring in a little extra money, and have a place to get off to on my own for a bit. I will be doing some office management work for Jen’s partner, Michael, at least for the fall, which will be another way of bringing in a little side money. I just found out that I am a “fire horse” in Chinese astrology. I have learned how to save things in PDF for the newsletter and it has been very handy.

Finally, I am going to visit Milwaukee for Thanksgiving. A financially reckless act, but emotionally and spiritually brave, kind and joyful.

InPeace, Nikki

Letting Go

Tree branches swaying
Daffodils dipping
Crows gliding
Hair blowing across my face
skirt swirling around my body
tugging, pushing, prodding
You are not in control here
Laughs the wind
Relax
Come play
Let Go
I lifting my arms to the sky
spreading my fingers wide
twirling with the next wave of air
swaying, dipping, gliding
Smiling
I set my expectations free
loosing them to the wind


© N.J. Hunt 2/13/07